They say as you get older you change, and I agree. Of course you learn new things, you experience different situations which all help you grow and change. You wouldn't do the same things at 28 that you did at 23. Or at least I hope not.
But does changing as you get older mean that you become almost a completely different version of yourself? I am asking this because I am changing, or I guess I have changed. But while some of my changes are just normal maturity others are not. I notice that I am getting almost a little to used to spending time alone, I'm not as happy go lucky as I used to be, and I feel boring. Like I'm 60 years old not 28. I'm not going to lie this is a little scary. Also someone called to my attention a while ago that I seem to have this wall up, now I argue that it is simply because he is a guy who was at one point trying to holler and he came at me completely in the wrong way. But thinking about it I guess I do have a slight wall up, like the scars of my past are finally starting to get to me, without me even knowing it. And that's weird, because things that happened to me never used to get to me before, or maybe I just assumed they didn't affect me because I chose not to acknowledge them. When I was finally honest with him, and myself, and explained why I had a wall up with him, I realized. "Wow, Heather, those traumatic events from 2006, those really hurt you in a way you never understood until now". I still say I didn't let him in because he was wack, because I let other people in, I definitely want to share my life with people, but its interesting to think how the past can subliminally effect your present.
I have been praying about this of course, because I know my God not only has the power to restore my joy, but also to get me past my past. But I also have been trying to pinpoint when it was that these changes started to happen.
I'm a blast when I'm with people. I'm not a lonely type of person. I'm just in a season in my life where I find myself to be alone most of the time. Its odd for me, I'm used to being a social butterfly. But at the same time I am enjoying all of this, because my eyes are wide open.
I just hope I don't turn into some hermit!
I don't mind maturity. But I do not want to lose the very fabric of what makes me who I am. I used to bring so much joy to other's lives....I wonder if I still do.....
