Its been 2 months since I have written a blog. But I haven't stopped writing. I just had to step back. Had to take a break from opening up. I couldn't even hear myself. Here's the latest....just a poem/writing that I wrote recently....
*I swear one day I am going to get this right. But I am not going to stop being me, honest, open, expectant, hopeful. But I will be more cautious, I have to protect myself from this pain*
I wish I could express myself to you
Wish when I spoke you heard me with your heart and understood me.
But I feel lost in this wilderness of a situation.
I speak and I'm not heard. My reactions are mistaken for something else.
Crazy, inside my head. I feel like I'm reliving every single relationship I've
ever had before, right here with you.
Truth be told. I get it. You're not into me, or at least not as much as you say.
If you were no excuse would keep you from being with me. You wouldn't be so
quick to call me your friend after 6 months of what I thought was seeing me, and
you wouldn't be so carefree with the idea of me meeting someone else, and moving
on.
You'd understand the hurt and confusion I feel. You'd work to make me feel
valued. You'd see your hypocrisy. How much you want my attention but when I ask
for the same, you tell me it goes both ways.
I'm lost out here, in this sea all alone. Begging for you to notice me. For you
to try. For you to want this, to want me. And I'm trying to walk away, to be
strong, to stand up, to speak out, but you don't like that. You want me on your
terms and your time. And I have no say.
A prisoner, in love. But you don't love me. And I'm not sure what you're holding
on to.
I'm not who you want. So would you let me go heal the wounds of another broken
heart? Let me go figure out how I got back to the same place again? And then let
me figure out how to be alone.
But really, I've been alone this whole time.
Dammit, not again...
