I think superstar and I decided to stop seeing each other last night. Well really he decided, at some point in the conversation I found it hard to speak. (Bear with me I'm crying while I write this).
The consensus is that he's just too busy to devote his time into a relationship (something I tried to tell him in December, but he wasn't having it), and this problem always comes up (not spending enough time), and he fears it will only get worse.
I woke up this morning with swollen eyes. Its been a while since I've seen those. They say who you bring your new year in with is who you will spend the year with, this has never been true for me. And has been proven yet again.
I just had to get all of this out. He's not a bad guy, in fact I still think he's wonderful. Its just when you get your feelings hurt year after year, you have to wonder. "When is someone going to value me enough to make space in their life for me?". And that's what it comes down to no matter what people say. Because the right person will make you change your routine, or at least make a valiant effort. And I don't ask for much. I don't want all your time just some of it.
And I have to say I hope people understand now why I may have such a rough shell these days. This hurts, badly. Opening up to someone only to have things not work out how you had hoped. Ugh man we would've been so good together. But at the same time... I know I am not even being honest with myself about some things....
I wrote you something. I told you I'd give it to you eventually. But eventually is not going to come. So here you go.
Lesson learned: its ok to take your time, your feelings are valid. And guard your heart better like mom always says.
I'm really going to miss you....man.....
*watch God work, right Vanessa?*
