comfortably uncomfortable....

Lets just talk for a while...I finished my poetry book a while ago, and as I read over each poem, I realized that the majority of what I write about is sadness. Sadness of heartbreak, sadness of not having the relationship I want to have with God, sadness about losing friends, and the perception my friends have of themselves. Very few of them contained the joy of my almost everyday life.

I had to take a moment and think about why my poems were so sad. And I was suddenly aware of the fact that it was because I tend to run back to what is comfortable to me, even if its not necessarily the best thing for me. Because I get scared of newness. I get scared of making new friends, starting new relationships, and before I was scared of committing to the change that devoting myself to a relationship to God would take.

I say it all the time. But this has been such a transformative year for me. And I'm not scared anymore. I am just ready for the future. I am excited to meet new friends, and meet a new guy (lord willing), and I love the changes that I've made in my relationship with God. In every new situation you run the risk of getting hurt, but you can't learn anything from life if you haven't had a few scars.

at some point I stopped wishing for the comforts of the past, and started looking forward to the unknown excitement of my future....I don't want to be comfortable, uncomfortable has been kinda fun..I'm learning to be more patient, and go with the flow. I mean for real. I am able to handle things and situations that would have drove me crazy before! And I'm me, I'm coming into my own. Being comfortable in my skin is an amazing feeling....

not to mention this new crush isn't hurting this smile I've been maintaining...

and as my lovey Drake said, "I'm looking forward to the memories of right now".