this feeling

my best friend had a baby today
her first child, she's engaged too...
and i am 3,000 miles away

there's a boy, well i should say man cause he's not a boy
who actually has his heart in exactly the right place it should be, god,
like he'd actually be good for me,
but i am 3,000 miles away

my friend, who i call my cousin has a new boyfriend
he just moved in with her
she's in love
this could be the one
and i am 3,000 miles away

all around me people are celebrating these milestones, or people i would love to be with (should be with) are lingering, and here i am so far away. you know i love being here with my family, i love being so close to them. i wouldn't give that up for the world. latley when i have been spending time with my parents i have been almost close to tears thinking to myself, when they are gone, these are the times i will remember most. we are making memories that will last a lifetime just by doing nothing together.
but at the same time i wish all my people were right here with me, instead of 3,000 miles away.
today when i called my lil boo boo (my affectionate nick name for my best friend) i cried on the phone because she was a mother, and i almost couldn't stop crying as i walked back to my desk, because i don't know when i will have enough money to get back home to see this beautiful child, and i wish i didn't have to miss out on any of it. wish i wasn't so far away. wish i was eating dinner each week with my old friends, and watching their love blossom, and watching them start families, and getting to really really be auntie heather, best friend heather, cousin heather... or whatever else they call me...
i get this feeling sometimes...
being 3,000 miles away sucks.. i have yet to find people here that make me truly feel at home...even though this is home, and my family is here... my heart is still 3,000 miles away...and i miss it so much sometimes...
this feeling...mmmmm i hate feeling left behind....