expressing myself

today has been the worst day for expressing myself. Its like everywhere I turned, I had so much I wanted to say and explain to someone but no one was hearing me.

To one person I wanted to explain what I wanted in a relationship. How much I had changed, how much more important spiritual components were than regular ones, and truly how I don't want people to make changes for me, but because they are changes they want to make. I guess this might be confusing, but I just wanted to explain what I PERSONALLY am looking for in a relationship. That's all I just wanted to make it clear. but as much as he said he heard me, as much as he said he wanted to change on his own, it didn't seem like that was the case. I got off the phone feeling like I had just talked to myself. and it was so pointless, it seemed, so pointless.

To another I was trying to explain that while i value their opinion, it is always the same. and I don't understand why they feel like they always have to tell me of some negative thing that is going to happen instead of just being happy for me. It makes me so upset, and it really hurts me. All they said was its the truth, and they are going to continue telling me the truth. period.

Just like someone else, who tells me things about myself, and when I tell them how much it hurts me, they say to me well its the truth, and that's the way it is.

Lately I have felt like I am talking to walls. Like everywhere I turn its just a brick wall. No one understands my feelings or even tries to. People just say I'm sorry, or I'm changing, or oh well, just to appease me or stop the conversation. But no one is really HEARING me. and no one is trying to UNDERSTAND me. I just don't understand what is wrong. am I changing that much that only a few people can truly understand me. I'm on thin ice here, and I'm tired of trying to express myself, but feeling like the people I need to hear me the most, don't.