Something Genuine

In my almost 4 years of being single I have been asked many times, "why, Heather, why are YOU still single?". Like I hold this magical key that would open the door to the answer to this conundrum (this is my new favorite word, lol). Or like out of all the people in the world, its absolutley bogus for me to have been single for this long!

I only somewhat have an idea of why I, Heather, am still single. One of the reasons is because as I have developed over the past three years what I am looking for has also developed. When I was younger I would settle for being with just anybody, at 28 I just can't do that anymore. I want my relationship to last longer than 6 months, and I'd also like it to be real.

I also feel that the more I date (which over the past few months I have low key started to loathe), the less I understand about this crazy game. Which causes me to remain single. I just can't tell if people are being straight up with me, or what they want from me, or why I seem to peak their interest but only long enough for them to get me to admit how much I like them and then they bow out. This hurts man, and it makes me wonder, "is there something wrong with me?".

Now usually I am a pretty confident chick, I mean #1 I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am beautifully and wonderfully made by God, and #2 I know that at the end of the day I have alot to offer. But when the same types of scenarios keep happening year after year, and you've had to resort to "dating yourself" as I like to call it, your vision tends to get a little skewed. I know I have spoken on here several times about this hard shell that I have allowed to form. And that is simply because I am actually a very sensitive person, who is tired of always having to wonder what the hell is going on.
Dating seemed so much easier when I was younger, and also in the age when social media was not running rampant. Now I can meet someone in person, and then look at their facebook and its like I'm seeing two different people. And with particular people I have to ask myself, "where would you ever fit in here"?

At the end of the day I think we all just want the same thing. I know what specific things I am looking for. But right now I don't want to be stalked, or ignored, I just want something genuine. I want to know that I can trust what you say, and I want you to show me just how much I mean, if I mean anything at all. I want to feel safe enough to open up and show all the sweet sides of me. And I just want something real. I'm so tired of feeling disappointed, or confused, or let down.

Eventually someone that I care for is going to sincerely reciprocate my feelings...and someone will love me too... until then....