For I know the plans I have for you

Latley I have been thinking about trusting someone else's plans.
So often in life we step out on our own, and try to make our own way. We decide that this is how we are going to have relationships (friendship or otherwise), this is how our lives are going to look, this is where we will be at 21, 25, 30, 35, and what not. So often I forget the fact that my plans are not the real plan.

friends come and go for a reason. I lost one of my best friends a few weeks ago, not to death, but it feels like it. and it hit me in a way that letting go of a friend hasn't hit me in a long time. usually people's seasons are up, I never wanted this person's season to end. And I know it will never be the same, we will never speak again, never have a relationship again, and its sad. But thats the way the cookie crumbles and like I said its not my plan.

men, constantly come and go. and despite my best efforts I just can't seem to get that one key thing that I want. Someone to actually back up with words with action. I don't know why it is so hard in this day in age to like someone and act like it. I'm not sure why everything falls in my hands. Its rough. It makes me feel unwanted, undesired, and it makes it very hard to believe when someone says they like you. Because if you do, wouldn't you act like it? Wouldn't you ask to see me, call me, so forth and so on? I dunno this is an area that I am two steps away from giving up on for many more years. I'm tired of being the "one that got away" but when you get me again, you don't put in any effort. Once again though I am starting to see perhaps this isn't part of the plan either.

Even what I want to do with my life has changed over time. All I can say for sure is that I want to get in the trenches with the people. I want to be involved with children in some form. I have to make a difference. I have to come home everyday and feel like I truly changed or inspired one person. just one.

The point of all of this is to say, I have heard it said often "if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans". And I am noticing the reality of this statement. Not so much that God is laughing, but the fact that things don't seem to work when you try to forge your own way. I mean he'll let you go off on your own its your choice, but do you notice how you just don't seem satisfied? I feel like that alot. Happy, but still unsatisfied inside. And I know its because I am trying to forge by own way instead of following whatever way is already laid out for me. I can't see it, half the time I don't know what way I should be going. But I know God's plans for me have to be better than whatever I have planned for myself.

hopefully things in every area will start falling into place. this is not a pity party. I have great friends, I will have my master's degree in one month, and I am moving out of my "vacation" at my parents for good and excited. there are some male prospects, but I'm not expecting much.

For now I am leaning on this:

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

*its literally all I've got*