Truth Moment

**I first want to preface this post by saying. This is real life. Like my real thoughts and feelings. I'm fine. I'm in a good space. But that doesn't mean I don't still struggle with things. The point is for me to let it out, breathe, and show anyone else that's reading that may be going through something similar (getting life right with God, but still struggling with certain areas), that you're not alone. We're human. And that's OK**

I've been in a space all my own the past few weeks. It's not a bad space but a well needed space. My best friend and I are doing a devotional together on trusting God. I'm diving into a series by Joyce Meyer called "Battlefield of the Mind". And I'm realizing, though I've said it many times, my life is so much better with you in it.

I've been more at peace about most things. I'm happier throughout my day. I am able to look at things with  a clear head and heart. I'm giving sound advice. I'm worshiping in a way I have never worshiped. And I want more of you. So I'm making a point to enter in.

But lets get real. There is still this one lingering area. I just cant get rid of. It's that feeling, when you know certain things were for the best. But you are still hurt by them. And me being the person I am, and liking to be understood, I am still feeling misunderstood. And still lacking the apology I feel I deserve. And thus, I'm cool, but deep down I know I am harboring some bitterness, and it bothers me so much, because I am not wanting to be that person. I also know some of that bitterness is because of the repair I've had to do, since...... Too real for you?

I've been listening to India Arie, (*side note, I didn't like the new album at first, but the more I listen to it the more I love it and I suggest you cop it, TODAY), and she has this song "soulbird rise". I love the premise of the song; let that bird inside your soul out, let it soar, let it be evident to the world. I got that, I'm feeling it, lol. But there was a line in the song, that stood out to me, and links back to this bitter feeling that I am having. She says "I will no longer be defined by, what someone else believes that I am. And now that I have dropped the weight. I am light as a feather. Its time to elevate".

People often say that no one can make you feel a certain way. That what you feel, essentially, is an expression of what you truly believe deep down about yourself. I don't believe that. I believe that words have the power to cut us down. I believe if you're told enough times something is wrong with you, you will start to believe that. And I believe too often we don't understand the power our words have on other people. I'm guilty of this too.

I have been combating this for months. And sometimes it feels like a lifetime. That feeling of inadequacy. That feeling that I'm just not quite good enough. Literally still slightly being defined by who you think I am. Sometimes those thoughts will still creep back in and I remember the things you spoke to me, and I have to remind myself that that is not really who I am. (I literally have a board up in my room to remind me who I truly am)

I know you'll never understand, and you'll never say sorry for the situation. But I am really making a conscience effort to stop being bitter towards you, and to trust God to heal this aching,  and put back together these broken pieces.  So I can "elevate".

**Truth moment, be careful what you say to people. The power of life and death are in the tongue**